This time of year is full of fun and celebration, holiday parties and family get-togethers, but with busy schedules, there’s also plenty of time to make social mistakes. Should you bring a dish? Or does it impose itself on the host? Is it rude to arrive a few minutes late or will the host appreciate some extra time to prepare things?
We asked two etiquette experts to share their top hosting holidays “Icks,” so you can sit back and enjoy your hot chocolate this year without worrying about offending your hosts. Below, take a look at what not to do this year.
meet the expert
- Lisa GroatsKnown as the Golden Rules Gal, she is an etiquette expert, author, and public speaker who focuses on traditional and modern etiquette.
- christy spencer is an etiquette expert and founder of The Polite Company, which provides corporate training, dining etiquette and image coaching.
chew with open mouth
We should all know this by now, but when that delicious holiday meal comes around but once a year, we don’t blame you for forgetting. While I’m sure your hosts will appreciate that you’re enjoying the meal, it can ruin the dining experience for your hosts and other guests.
“It’s OK to get mashed potatoes and gravy on your plate, but not in your mouth,” says etiquette expert Lisa Groats.
Solution? Chew slowly, and with your mouth closed, take small, reasonable bites.
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arrive too early
You’re ready to go early, so why not join your friends’ party and help keep them cleanIt’s a nice gesture, isn’t it? Wrong. Unless you’re explicitly invited to arrive early, it’s best to arrive 10 to 20 minutes after the party starts.
“Although the intention may be to help, arriving early can disrupt those final preparations and add unnecessary stress,” says Christy Spencer, etiquette expert and founder of The Polite Company. “Think vacuuming on hot rollers, which isn’t exactly the welcome a host wants to give.”
If you arrive early, we understand—holiday traffic can be unpredictable—but don’t make it your hosts’ responsibility to entertain you.
“If you get there early, congratulations,” says Spencer. “Now take a quick drive around the block or check your messages in the car until it’s time to log in.”
Double-Dipping the Veggie Platter
It wouldn’t be a holiday party without a variety of dips, and no one will really notice if a carrot is dipped a second time in ranch, right? Etiquette experts say don’t risk it.
“Sharing is caring, except when it involves germs,” says Grotts. “Double-dipping contaminates the communal dip, making it unpalatable to others. Keep your share on your own plate, or stick to a single, clean dip for everyone’s sake.”
If you see yourself double down as a host, don’t stay silent. Grotts recommends mentioning it in a light-hearted tone and encouraging the offender to put more on his or her plate so everyone can enjoy the dip.
arriving without enthusiasm
We get it – the holidays are busy. It’s easy to accidentally look tired when you’re approaching your fifth holiday party of the season, but this can leave a bad taste for your hosts.
“The host may have spent hours planning, cooking, and decorating, so looking like you want to go somewhere else or not join in on the fun can really ruin the mood,” says Spencer.
This can be easily changed by approaching with a smile and saying hello to everyone in the room. Don’t worry introverts, you don’t have to be the star of the show, but it helps to try.
“If you’re not naturally sociable, don’t worry about it, you don’t have to be the life of the party,” says Spencer. “Simply engaging in activities will help you relax and promote conversation.”
trying too hard to impress
You can’t wait to share your big promotion news, tell everyone about the new car you just bought and how your home renovation is going, when suddenly it seems like no one is interested. Not there. What did you give?
“Confidence is important, but excessive attempts to shine can seem forced and frustrating,” says Grotts. “Natural conversations are far more memorable than any exaggerated ‘show’ of attraction.”
If you find yourself getting caught up in your own accomplishments this holiday, take a moment to connect with others at the table, ask questions about their lives and listen to their stories, says Grotts.
“Authenticity is the best way to leave a lasting impression,” says Grotts.
glued to your phone
Scrolling through some TikTok or checking the scores on your phone may seem harmless, but etiquette experts warn that too much time on your phone could be bad for you.
“When guests are glued to their phones, it prevents real connection with others,” says Spencer. “Take a group photo to remember the night by, but then put your phone away and enjoy the good times and great conversation.”
While we’re all used to having our phones with us 24/7, sometimes it’s best to put them away and plan to check them sparingly throughout the night.
“It’s much easier to resist temptation if it’s not in your pocket, so put it away for the evening and focus on connecting with the people around you,” says Spencer.