still Happy couple Facing conflict. But what they fight about, it is known about what is missing in the relationship.
As a PsychologistsI have found that there are some similar subjects that come again and again. And the first step to solve the conflicts is to know what those subjects are.
according to a Yougov Poles of 1,000 American adults, and based on my research, are the most common reasons here – and psychology behind each one.
1. Tone of voice or approach
A sour tone or attitude-raised voice, a sarcastic comment, the most common cause of an eye-rol middle-waters-now fights. For a person displaying it, it cannot seem a big thing. But for the partner at the obtained end, it hits a direct nerve as it indicates contempt.
Marital form ResearchContempt is one of the most reliable predictions of divorce. Unlike overtate criticism or stonewalling (emotionally closed), contempt dissolves itself with non-verbal gestures and body language.
How to transfer it to the past: Oppose the impulse to strike. Fighting fire with fire never works, so try to naming the effect instead: “It felt kind. Can we try again?” This gives your partner a chance to do the course, and it does not increase things immediately.
If you are distributing the tone, check yourself before saying anything. Are you feeling unheard of? Disappointed? Overwhelmed? Pinpacting what is contempt is the first step to express themselves without hurting the relationship.
2. Family relations
Arguments about family relations often reflect fundamental misleading and unmatched needs.
A partner may feel inappropriate or sidelined, especially if his spouse seems to be a default to defend his side. In the conditions that include children, arguments usually boil the value clashes – where every partner feels that their main rearing -nutrition beliefs are being rejected.
Neither partner in these scenarios is “right” or “wrong”. In fact, they are more than looking for the same thing exactly: someone who is on their side.
How to transfer it to the past: A good place to start is to reassure each other. For example: “I love my family, but you are still my partner. How can we find a solution that meets both our needs and values?”
Then talk about your boundaries as a team: when a line is crossed, or what to do to show solidarity in front of others (even when you disagree privately).
3. Domestic work
People often believe that arguments about tasks are about themselves – dishes left in the sink, laundry piles, garbage that is never out. But if this was true, these issues will be fixed quickly with a simple core chart.
Rather, the real problem is uneven distribution of labor. As ResearchA partner in a relationship usually gives shoulder to the wholesale of domestic work. But they are not just beating clothes and cooking food, they are also managing appointments, coordinating bills and have mental tabs on everyone’s goodness, but they have their own.
This “invisible load” goes largely unknowingly, and the lack of recognition usually occurs where the fight begins.
How to transfer it to the past: If the load is designated loudly, this dynamic can often be changed. Even just saying, “I didn’t realize how much you were holding, thanks,” your partner gives the acknowledgment that is necessary to listen to them.
From there, work together to rebuild the tasks that feel durable. The fairness will not look like 50/50 partitions every day, but it should be realized that both of you have a hand.
4. Communication styles
It is one of the most difficult arguments to navigate. In many cases, by that time there are arguments about the couple How They talk to each other, the original issue is already lost in translation.
For example, a partner is upset about the inappropriate distribution of work, or they are disappointed at how their in -laws are treated. But when these concerns are brought, Research Shows that they can quickly move away from rail when others attach to them ineffectively – or with enmity.
If the interaction is completed with defensiveness, criticism or stone, the fight will focus its attention from the initial issue. Instead, it is a matter of how bad the conversation is getting.
How to transfer it to the past: A simple strategy is “using successful pairs”Five second rules“: They have a nominated word or phrase that indicates:” We are doing spilling, let’s take a time-out. “It gives a very important stagnation, without negative effects without a storm.
When you return to the conversation, try to see the eyes with the eyes before continuing your complaints: “I want to understand why you are upset, and I want you to understand the same for me. You share your side, then I will share myself.”
Mark traversePhD is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds a degree from the Boulder of Cornell University and the University of Colorado. He is a major psychologist Awakened therapyA telehaalth company that offers online psychiatry, consultation and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and welfare website, Therapytips.org,
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